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As you all know, I have a son. He’s wonderful, wild, and the most carefree little soul. Watching him explore the world with fresh eyes is pure magic.
BUT.
We’ve hit a crossroads—a perfect storm of fun new phases, all arriving at once. The hitting phase. The "I only want Daddy" phase. The "I’m independent now, don’t even try to help me" phase. Basically, I’ve been downgraded to chopped liver, left on the sidelines while my kid runs full speed toward his dad and swats me away like an unwanted snack.
And when I do step in to help him through those big feelings? I get ignored, pushed away, or—on special occasions—smacked in the face. (I refuse to call these "tantrums" because I hate the negative connotations. Let’s call them frustration explosions instead.)
So what does a self-proclaimed lifelong learner do when she has no fucking clue what else to do?
I learn. I dove into books, binge-watched parenting experts on YouTube, and devoured hours of podcasts. You get the picture.
Because if there’s a way to navigate this phase with more peace, patience, and maybe fewer flying fists, I’m going to find it.
After countless hours of scribbling notes and sifting through an endless stream of "you should" and "you could" advice from parenting experts, I took a step back. I got quiet.
Instead of drowning in even more information, I connected the dots—blending everything I was learning about toddler development with what I already knew as a certified happiness coach and positive psychology practitioner. And just like that, it all started to click.
Understanding the Toddler Brain
One of the biggest game-changers for me was realizing that toddler emotions aren’t personal. Their brains aren’t fully developed yet, and their ability to regulate emotions is still in progress. What looks like defiance is often just an overwhelmed little person trying to process their big feelings.
The Neuroscience of Toddler Emotions
Toddlers operate primarily from their limbic system, the emotional center of the brain, while the prefrontal cortex (responsible for logic, impulse control, and reasoning) is still under construction. That’s why they can go from pure joy to total devastation in a matter of seconds. They’re not trying to manipulate us; they’re just learning how to navigate the world.
Connection Over Correction
In the heat of a tantrum (or as I like to call them, frustration explosions), my instinct used to be to fix the situation immediately. I’d try to reason with him, stop the behavior, or even distract him. But I’ve learned that what toddlers need most in those moments isn’t correction—it’s connection.
Co-Regulation: The Game-Changer
Co-regulation is when we help our child regulate their emotions by staying calm ourselves. Instead of reacting with frustration, I’ve started using:
Mirroring Emotions – Saying things like, "Wow, you’re really upset about that banana breaking! I get it, that’s frustrating." helps toddlers feel heard.
Validating Feelings – Instead of dismissing his emotions with, "You’re fine, it’s just a banana," I acknowledge them: "I know you wanted it whole. It’s okay to be upset."
Breathwork Together – Encouraging deep breaths and modeling calmness helps reset both of us.
And let me tell you, it’s a game-changer. It doesn’t mean meltdowns magically disappear, but they last way shorter when my son feels like I’m on his side instead of against him.
Mindset Matters for Moms Too
I’ll be honest—when my son started pushing me away and running to his dad instead, it stung. I had moments where I caught myself thinking, Why does he hate me? or What am I doing wrong? But then, I remembered what I know about cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and how our thoughts shape our reality.
Reframing Negative Thoughts
Instead of "He hates me," I started telling myself:
"He’s exploring his independence, and that’s healthy."
"His attachment to his dad doesn’t mean he loves me any less."
"This is just a phase, and I am still his safe place."
That simple mindset shift helped me respond with understanding instead of hurt.
Positive Psychology Isn’t Just for Grown-Ups
One of the core principles of positive psychology is focusing on strengths and fostering well-being. It turns out, these same principles can work wonders for toddlers too.
Building Emotional Intelligence Early (Even Before Words!)
Here are some small but powerful habits I’ve started using with my little one:
✔ Gratitude at Bedtime – Since he can’t say what he’s grateful for yet, I model it by sharing something good from our day: “I loved playing outside with you today!” Over time, he’s learning to focus on the positive.
✔ Mindfulness Moments – When he’s overwhelmed, I help him regulate by taking slow breaths together, playing soft music, or offering a comforting snuggle with his favorite stuffed animal. It’s amazing how quickly he responds to these little cues.
✔ Affirmations – Even though he can’t say them back yet, I gently tell him: “You are safe. You are loved. You are amazing.” The repetition and warmth in my voice help him absorb these positive messages, laying a strong foundation for self-worth.
Even before he has the words, he’s learning the emotions—and that’s what truly matters.
Self-Care Is Not Selfish
Here’s a hard truth: You can’t pour from an empty cup.
I used to put myself last, thinking, I’ll take care of me when there’s time. But I’ve learned the hard way—when I’m drained, I have zero patience. And a mom running on fumes is a mom who is snappy, irritable, and way less fun to be around.
What Fills My Cup
Instead of neglecting myself, I’ve started prioritizing small but effective self-care practices:
Movement – A quick walk or yoga session helps me shake off stress.
Deep Breathing – Box breathing (inhale 4 sec, hold 4 sec, exhale 4 sec) resets my nervous system.
Mom Time-Outs – Sometimes, I step away for a few minutes when I need to regulate my own emotions.
Journaling – Writing down wins, struggles, and lessons learned helps me process the day.
And you know what? It’s made all the difference. Because the truth is, my son doesn’t need a perfect mom—he needs a happy, regulated one.
Toddlerhood is a season of growth, chaos, and deep learning—for both kids and parents. Some days will feel easy, and others will leave you hiding in the bathroom with a bag of chocolate chips (we’ve all been there). But through it all, remember this:
🌿 Your child isn’t trying to make your life hard; they’re having a hard time themselves.
🌿 Connection is more powerful than control.
🌿 Your mindset shapes your parenting experience.
🌿 Self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.
🌿 You’re not alone in this.
So if you’re in the trenches of toddlerhood too, just know—I see you. I’m with you. And we’re all learning as we go. 💛
xx
turner
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References:
Understanding the Toddler Brain
Emotional Regulation and Brain Development: Research indicates that the prefrontal cortex, responsible for regulating emotions, is one of the brain areas most sensitive to parental interaction. Developing this area is crucial for children's emotional regulation and long-term goal attainment. Psychology Today
Limbic System's Role in Early Childhood: During early childhood, toddlers primarily operate from the limbic system, the brain's emotional center. This explains their intense emotional expressions and reactions. Teach Through Love
Co-Regulation and Emotional Connection
The Importance of Co-Regulation: Co-regulation involves caregivers helping children manage their emotions by modeling calmness and empathy. This mutual exchange teaches children how to regulate their own emotions effectively. Child Mind Institute
Balancing Validation and Limits: While validating a child's feelings is important, setting appropriate limits is equally crucial for their emotional development and regulation. Child Dev & Parent Consult
Positive Psychology Practices for Children
Teaching Gratitude: Engaging children in gratitude activities, such as creating a "Gratitude Tree," fosters positive emotions and strengthens family bonds. PositivePsychology.com
Developing Emotional Intelligence: Implementing innovative activities can help children recognize and manage their emotions effectively, laying the foundation for resilience and positive relationships. PositivePsychology.com
The Importance of Parental Self-Care
Replenishing Energy through Self-Care: Regular self-care practices help parents maintain their energy, focus, and positivity, enabling them to provide better care for their children. Psychology Today
Seeking Support: Connecting with others for emotional and physical support can alleviate the burdens of parenting and promote a sense of connection. Yale School of Medicine
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