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Last weekend, we took a family trip to the beach. We loaded up our toddler, packed up the dog, and crammed the car to the brim with everything we thought we’d need for a peaceful weekend at Myrtle Beach. We even took Friday off to get a head start on relaxation. At least, that was the plan.
If you’re a mom (which I’m guessing you are since you’re here), you probably know where this is going. A beach trip with a toddler isn’t exactly a spa day. Even though we were prepared—wagon, chairs, hats, snacks, sunscreen, sand toys, the whole nine yards—it was still chaotic. Our toddler was, well, a toddler. The dog decided that every other dog on the beach was an arch-nemesis. And somewhere along the way, we all ended up with some mysterious stomach bug. I still don’t know if it was the seafood or the drive, but let’s just say… it was not part of the itinerary.
When we got home yesterday, I finally took a deep breath. I stood in the middle of our living room, surrounded by half-unpacked bags, and for the first time all weekend, I felt my shoulders drop.
And that’s when I realized something that hit me right in the gut (and not just from the seafood): I had been fighting the experience the entire time. Not the chaos. Not the sickness. But my own resistance to what was.
And that was what drained me the most.
The Neuroscience Behind Acceptance
Now, I know what you might be thinking: “Acceptance? Sure, sounds nice in theory, but how does that help when you’re holding a crying toddler with sunscreen in your eyes and a barking dog tied to your leg?”
I get it. I used to think the same thing. But here’s the fascinating part: this isn’t just some feel-good advice. There’s actual neuroscience that explains why resisting the moment makes us feel more stressed, and why acceptance—true, mindful acceptance—can literally calm your brain.
Meet the Default Mode Network (DMN)
Deep inside your brain, there’s something called the default mode network, or DMN for short. It’s a network of interconnected brain regions that lights up when we’re thinking about ourselves. You know, when we’re daydreaming, replaying memories, worrying about the future, or mentally listing all the reasons why this moment isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
The DMN is active when you’re in your head. And while it’s an important network for self-reflection and planning, an overactive DMN has been linked to anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. When we’re caught up in judgment and resistance—thinking “This shouldn’t be happening”—our DMN fires up. We ruminate, we catastrophize, and our nervous system goes into overdrive.
It’s like sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic, staring at the cars, thinking, “I should already be there. Why is this happening? This isn’t fair.” That loop of resistance ramps up your stress response, tightening your muscles, increasing your heart rate, and flooding your body with cortisol. Your brain is screaming, “We have a problem!”
Acceptance as a Neurobiological Shift
Here’s where things get hopeful. Neuroscientific studies show that mindfulness and acceptance practices quiet the DMN. When we choose to acknowledge what’s happening without judgment—“This is hard, and that’s okay. This is the moment I’m in.”—the brain shifts activity away from the DMN and toward areas involved in present-moment awareness, emotional regulation, and compassion. Specifically, the prefrontal cortex and the anterior cingulate cortex light up, helping us calm down and stay grounded.
Acceptance isn’t giving up. It’s giving in to the moment so you can stop fighting it and start responding with clarity and calm. It’s saying, “This is real. I can handle this.”
My Aha Moment: The Cost of Resisting Reality
Looking back on that weekend, I see how much energy I wasted resisting the reality in front of me.
I kept thinking things like:
This trip was supposed to be relaxing.
Why is he so cranky? He loves the beach!
I can’t believe we’re all sick—this isn’t fair.
Why can’t the dog just chill out?!
Each thought was a tiny protest. A little mental battle against the truth of what was. And every one of those protests added weight to my shoulders, tension to my neck, and exhaustion to my mind.
What I thought was exhausting me—the toddler chaos, the barking dog, the stomach bug—wasn’t the true culprit. It was the story in my head that something was wrong because life wasn’t matching my expectations.
When I finally dropped those stories—standing in the middle of our messy living room—I felt my nervous system take a deep exhale. And I realized something powerful: I don’t have to wait until I get home to feel that peace. I can find it in the middle of the mess if I stop resisting it.
Next Time: Practicing Acceptance in Real Life
So, what does practicing acceptance actually look like? It’s not just sitting cross-legged on a meditation cushion chanting “Om” (although, no judgment if that’s your thing!). It’s about small, intentional shifts in how you meet the moment.
Here’s my plan for next time—and maybe it can be yours, too.
1. Name What’s Happening
When we label an experience, it activates the rational part of our brain and quiets emotional reactivity. So instead of spiraling, I’ll say something simple:
“This is hard.”
“My toddler is overwhelmed.”
“The dog is excited.”
Naming it gives you a little space from the experience. It’s the first step in acceptance.
2. Breathe Into the Moment
When we resist reality, our bodies brace. Shoulders rise, jaws clench, breathing becomes shallow. A few deep, conscious breaths signal to your nervous system: “You’re safe. You can relax.”
Try the 4-7-8 breath: Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8.
Or just take a slow, deep breath and release it with a sigh. Instant nervous system reset.
3. Drop the “Shoulds”
“This should be easier.” “He should be having fun.” “This should be relaxing.”
Every “should” is a sneaky little resistance. Instead, try replacing “should” with “is.”
“This is what’s happening.”
“This is how it is right now.”
Acceptance is about choosing reality over fantasy.
4. Find the Tiny Joys
Even in the chaos, there are moments of beauty. The sparkle of sunlight on the water. The sound of your child’s laugh (even if it was two hours ago). The warmth of holding your dog’s sandy fur.
Your brain has a negativity bias—it clings to what’s wrong. But with practice, you can train it to notice what’s right.
Ask: “What’s one thing I can appreciate in this moment?”
Even if it’s tiny, it matters.
5. Release the Story
We all have stories about how things should go. The perfect beach trip. The happy family. The relaxing weekend. And when life doesn’t match, we get stuck. Let go of the story. Embrace the real one, messy as it is.
“This is our life, right now. And it’s enough.”
Why Acceptance Matters for Moms (and Humans in General)
As moms, we carry so much. Expectations. Plans. Pressure to make everything perfect. But life, especially with kids, is unpredictable and messy.
Acceptance isn’t about settling for less. It’s about finding freedom in what is. It helps us stay calm, connected, and compassionate—even when everything feels out of control.
And the science backs it up:
Acceptance reduces stress and anxiety
Mindfulness decreases activity in the DMN and increases emotional regulation
Self-compassion (a form of acceptance) improves resilience and wellbeing
When we practice acceptance, we model something powerful for our kids: It’s okay for life to be imperfect. It’s okay to feel all the feelings. And we can handle hard things with grace.
Bringing Acceptance Into Your Daily Life
You don’t have to wait for a chaotic beach trip to practice acceptance. You can start today.
When your toddler refuses lunch: “This is what’s happening.”
When you spill coffee on your shirt: “This is how it is.”
When plans change: “I can handle this.”
Little by little, you’ll build a new habit. One that calms your nervous system, quiets your mind, and helps you stay grounded in the beautiful, messy, real life you’re living.
Let It Be What It Is
Next time we go to the beach, will it be perfect? Probably not. There will be sand in the snacks. The dog will get soaked. Someone might get sick.
And it’s okay. I’ll breathe. I’ll soften. I’ll remind myself:
This is what’s happening.
And I’m here for it.
Acceptance isn’t giving up. It’s opening up—to life as it is. And that’s where peace lives.
Want to Practice This Together?
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear about your own “acceptance moments.” Leave a comment below or connect with me on social media!
Because life is too precious to spend it fighting reality.
xx
turner
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